Thank Yous From My First Week Podcasting.

by andjustin4all

1. Thank you to my daughter HB and booze.  No one wants to be on a podcast, but people do want to hang out with my baby or drink my booze or both.  Which is what I believe is called unfit parenting.

2. Thank you Jimmy Fallon. I thought I had the voice of Phil Hartman. This is what happens when you haven’t made an new outgoing message in 6 years. What I got is more of a bratty Jimmy Fallon.  You can hear an audible fear of taunting somewhere in the higher registers and when I’m cracking myself up. On the bright side, I have yet to be shot by my wife?

Also thank you for the bit.

3. Thank you editing.  Without you, I would have subjected my audience (or whatever the singular for audience is) to hundreds of “ahhhh”s, sniffs and awkward silences.  Not to mention the many hungry and tired screams of my dear HB.

I didn’t cut you because I don’t love you HB.  But you’re just not funny.

4. Thank you Craig Ferguson.  Interviews are not my strong suit.  I should do things like “prep topics” and “come up with talking points,” or “get a real accent.”  Since somehow Craig can just tear up those cards like a jilted gambler and get away with it.

5. Thank you low expectations and my ability to set them.  Once again,  you will NEVER get 3 podcasts in a week again.  Last week was sort of a grand opening/ hey iTunes look at me I’m legit.  In reality, its impractical since barely anyone heard the first one, “not you Mom” and even fewer knew the other two existed.  In this case, I hope to continue to latch myself on to people more popular than me in order to get their Moms to listen.  Soon our audience will be nothing but proud Moms whose sons have taught them how to use iTunes.

6. Thank you iTunes for the humility of rejection which I do not have enough of from being a former Catholic, a child of divorce, and a graduate of art school.

7. Thank you naivete.  Without you I would have stopped Monday.

AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEYROCK THE UNFROZEN CAVEMAN LAWYER!!!

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