What to do with one’s new found acceptance by the ghost of Steve Jobs.
Too all podcasters who get the big news that they can be found on iTunes join me for a day long celebration.
7:45am Wake up early. Listen to Adam Carolla knowing you’ll own his ass in weeks.
9am Buy Steve Jobs bio as a thank you. Use Xmas gift certificate. I mean its not like he’s getting the money.
11am Glad hand your future fans at Starbucks. Hand out business cards. Smile. Its all going so good.
Noon Walk around the Apple Store without faking the need to buy something.
1pm Lunch with HB, getting drunk on Manhattans and soy based baby formula. Ask the bartender, “Do you know who I am?” Ignore response and shake the baby at him.
2-3pm Design poster to threaten the masses into subscribing to podcast.
4pm Feeling a little weak, probably from the excitement. Take some delicious ibuprofin.
5pm Call in about a minute before I have to be at work and tell them to screw. Then wish I had written something out or at least workshopped on someone before.
5:05pm Start watching Goonies. Maybe even steal it from the internet. Laugh at those losers. Root for Mom from Throw Momma From The Train.
6pm Feeling a little achy. All those downloads must be sapping my lifeforce. Calling the Genius Bar.
6:02pm Still no answer at the Genius Bar. Apparently they don’t know I’m in.
7pm Oh God kill me. Now realize shaking all those hands during flu season and then buying Cheetos and licking off that sweet orange finger butter was a bad idea.
7:02pm Blowing mud from my ass and puking because the smell is so bad.
7:45pm E.R. turns me down. Insurance cancelled in almost seconds. Impressed by old job’s efficiency.
9pm Realize on the way home that is waaaaay past HB’s bedtime and her screaming makes me puke.
9:10pm Puke again.
9:30 Why have you forsaken me STEVE!!!
10pm Wife finds me in threshold, takes HB and leaves me there.
10:20 Think up next podcast idea.
10:30 Wake in puke. Begin recording for a podcast.
midnight. A star is born.